Each of us has a personal history. From our very first days, through to moving on in life, we have all experienced both failures and successes. Along the way, we've had those who have rejected and those who have accepted us. It was never easy.
For example, a child may want to play with the other children at school. This group of children, however, for whatever reason may not want them in their company. The child will be upset, and this is a normal reaction to rejection. The problem starts when the child constantly starts thinking about the possible reasons for this rejection and then identifies themselves with these reasons. The group of children may have been a year or two older and considered the child too young to play with it. Some of the children may have told the child that they're boring or maybe they were quite aggressive towards them. As a result, the child begins to think of themselves as boring and identifies themselves with this thought. The child with this experience will believe that they are boring, and not worthy. Because of the fear of reliving the pain they feel after rejection, they will probably avoid trying to approach any group of children again.
The thought of being boring can occupy the child's mind for a long time and discourage them from making efforts in other areas as well. For example, when a teacher at school asks if anyone wants to read their report, the child will be discouraged because they do not believe in themselves and believe that the other children will find their report dull and uninteresting. Thoughts such as, “you are boring”, “you don't know”, or “you cannot know” may trigger a larger blockage, where the child never begins writing the report in the first place.
Our language affects our thoughts, our feelings, our beliefs. Rarely will we hear anyone say - this particular behavior or act of yours is boring. Our language does not judge situations, it judges ourselves. We will usually hear someone say - you are boring. We can easily fall into the trap of language.
The therapeutic approach of the ACT model can help people to separate themselves from their thoughts. Understand that we are not our thoughts. Thoughts are just thoughts. Same applies to our emotions. We are not our emotions. Emotions and thoughts are variables and are not fixed categories, if we were the same as our thoughts how unstable we would be? Would we even know who we are, would we know ourselves?
Believing that we are the same as our thoughts is a sure way to lose ourselves.
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